How to Let Go of Toxic Shame and Guilt - The Path to Freedom

How to Let Go of Toxic Shame and Guilt - The Path to Freedom

If letting go of feelings of shame, guilt, or past mistakes is difficult for you, you're not alone. Letting go of disappointments or what you see as a failure is a common struggle for many. The process takes time, self-forgiveness, and a great deal of self-compassion, which isn't easy. The road is a long one that requires much more than simply deciding it's time to move on, and there are no shortcuts. For many, it's much simpler to forgive others than to forgive themselves.

Why is it So Hard to Let Go?

When a person decides to let go, they have to accept a future of uncertainty, which can be scary. Letting go means you will have to release any parts of yourself tied to the events for which you feel shame. It's quite common to believe the difficulties you faced played a significant role in shaping the person you are today. You may wonder who you would be without them.

Toxic Shame

Shame is a familiar feeling for everyone, but many don't know all that much about it. It's a powerful emotion and probably the most damaging to your self-worth. Carrying the guilt and shame of past mistakes will also harm your feelings of overall happiness. Keep in mind that when you feel shame, you're judging yourself for a perceived failure. These toxic feelings can lead to low self-worth, and low self-worth leads to more feelings of guilt. The vicious cycle will continue until you consciously decide to let go and move on.

Researchers have found that feelings of shame trigger activity in the limbic system. The limbic system is a portion of your brain that's connected to the nervous system. Toxic shame is hugely destructive and may lead to anxiety and depression, among other mental health issues.

It's Time to Feel the Feelings

Feelings and emotions can be painful. When bad things happen, or you feel you may have done something wrong, it may seem easier to stuff those feelings away and move on. However, feelings of shame exist because you are deeply wounded, so you must allow yourself to process the emotions.

Stuffing painful memories and emotions away will eventually come back to haunt you. Whether you have trust issues in a new relationship or go through bouts of depression or anxiety, those unresolved feelings are there, lingering in your subconscious mind.

Acceptance and Self-Forgiveness

Perception is everything, and holding on to toxic guilt may cause you to view yourself as a failure. Self-forgiveness is essential to moving on with your life after disappointment or heartbreak. Whether you're holding onto anger for someone else or yourself, making the decision to let go and following through will set you free.

Three Steps to Freedom from Toxic Shame

•   Be mindful and allow yourself to see the situation for what it is, rather than through the veil of toxic shame.

•   Allow yourself room to process and feel emotions naturally rather than attempting to hurry or push them away.

•   Accept the circumstance for what it is, allow for self-compassion, then self-forgiveness.

Whether good or bad, happy or sad, all things in life will pass. Remember to allow yourself to process experiences as they are rather than how you think they should be. Remember to practice self-compassion and self-forgiveness. After all, nobody on this planet is perfect. Healing emotional wounds is a long and painful process, but it's also a necessary part of life. One day soon, you'll realize a memory doesn't sting the way it used to, and then you'll realize that you finally let it go.

Jocelyn Aleiadih, LCSW

www.yourlifepathcenter.com