5 Ground Rules that Could Save Your Relationship
When we first fall in love, we portray our best possible self to our partner. We always look our best. We become interested in what they're interested in. We may even change our behavior to hide those quirks and flaws that we all have but don't want anyone to know about. However, with long term relationships, our true selves will eventually win out and conflict will undoubtedly ensue. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Disagreements and varying points of view are normal parts of a healthy relationship. But in order to keep them from going nuclear, couples should have some ground rules.
Every relationship needs ground rules to level the playing field for the partners. Ground rules are not one-size-fits-all.Not every rule will work for every relationship, but these 5 are a good place to start.
Rule #1: Tell your partner when you are getting angry with them.
It doesn't do any good to bottle up your anger. You can only handle so much. If you shove it all down inside in the name of getting along, you will eventually explode and the conflict will be much worse. Bringing up issues as they arise is more likely to lead to calm, rational, problem-solving discussions.
Rule #2:When a conflict discussion is escalating, call a time-out or pause the discussion.
Heated discussions lead to fire. Fire burns. Your relationship may not survive. The more upset you get during a discussion, the less likely you are to actually be hearing your partner's concerns. It's important to take a step back, calm down, and then return to the issue. Just be sure to set a specific time to finish the conversation.
Rule #3:Either partner can bring up any issue at any time.
Being open to each other is vital for a healthy relationship. Both partners need to feel like they can talk to the other about what is bothering them any time they need to. On the other hand, the partner on the listening end of the conversation may not be ready to discuss the issue in a healthy way or it might be a bad time for them. In that case, agree to set a time and place to discuss the issue within the next 24 hours and stick to it.
Rule #4:Each partner must take responsibility for their part in the problem,
In a relationship, no problem or issue is completely one-sided. If you're going to make things work, you have to be able to own up to your mistakes. Recognize and take responsibility for ways you might be contributing to the issue. Then brainstorm solutions.
Rule #5:Make time for friendship, support, and sensuality together. Honor it as sacred.
Commit to setting aside time together free of conflict discussions or bringing up issues that you know will upset your partner. Those things can wait. Nurture your relationship by doing things you enjoy together, supporting each other, and enjoying physical intimacy.
Implementing these 5 rules into your relationship will help you discuss and resolve issues in a healthy way. As your relationship progresses, you might want to add a few more or customize them in a way that works best for you as a couple. Remember, every couple has issues. Happy couples deal with them by playing by the rules.
Jocelyn Aleiadih, LCSW
www.yourlifepathcenter.com