Conflict Resolution: the Inevitability of Conflict

Before getting into any specifics about your conflict, it's fundamental to acknowledge that some conflicts will always exist, or at least cannot be resolved without excessive effort. This doesn't necessarily mean that your pressing conflict is irreconcilable, but it does mean that you should take a step back and consider just how unavoidable that conflict really is. How invested are all the involved parties? Is there a solution that is reasonable, not only from your perspective but from a more objective viewpoint as well? To help answer this, consider the aspects of gravity and balance.

Gravity and Balance

Gravity is the importance of the issue, while balance is the position of a reasonable compromise relative to the arguing parties. An example of a low-gravity argument is deciding where to eat and an example of a high-gravity argument is deciding on how to split up a vast fortune. A relatively balanced conflict would involve both parties having reasonable support for their positions, such as several children disputing the terms of an inheritance. An unbalanced conflict might be an argument involving someone that believes that their hand is demonically possessed because the vast majority of evidence lies on one side.

Differences in Gravity

The important concept here is identifying the exact nature of your conflict. If it's high-gravity, then it will naturally be more heated and inevitable than the average low-gravity disagreement. However, that isn't always the case. Even if the stakes are extremely low, people can sometimes disagree vehemently. If that is the case, then you might want to entertain the notion of simply conceding. What you lose might be worth less than the time and stress spent arguing over relatively pointless matters. There are of course other factors to consider, such as how this might impact your relationship and future disagreements with this person, but that's why this is a consideration to make, not a concrete call to instantly concede.

Differences in Balance

On the other hand, balanced disagreements should logically be easier to resolve since one party is clearly supported by the evidence, but that is rarely the case. The truth is that unbalanced disagreements between reasonable and conciliatory parties tend to end long before any sort of heated conflict, barring communication failures. If you're at the stage where you're looking online for a solution and the problem isn't miscommunication, then it may be impossible to negotiate. The other party may not be arguing in good faith, they may have a perspective that is totally incompatible with your own, or they may be wholly interested in the idea of winning the conflict and not the details of what winning entails.

Incorporating These Ideas

In and of themselves, the ideas of balance and gravity won't resolve your conflicts. They aren't necessarily used to achieve your goals and reach a compromise, but they are critical in identifying whether a resolution is even viable.

Jocelyn Aleiadih, LCSW

www.yourlifepathcenter.com