Conflict Resolution: Mental Preparation

When it comes to conflict resolution, the preparation beforehand can be just as important as the negotiation itself. One key and often overlooked element of proper preparation is embracing a suitable mentality. Here are some useful steps for doing just that.

Examine the Issue Objectively

The first step to resolving a conflict is to take a step back and examine the issue from an objective perspective. You don't need to commit to this new perspective and shift your behavior accordingly, but you should try to understand the position of the other side. You can do this either on your own or with outside assistance.

If you're going to examine the situation solo, then you'll want to try to get into the mindset of the other party. Appreciate their points, desires, and fears from their frame of reference. If you find it impossible to understand their mentality, then you might want to reconsider whether this conflict can actually be resolved. One or more parties may be unwilling to accept any sort of compromise, making a satisfactory resolution impossible.

If you feel comfortable asking others for help, then seek out an impartial third party and ask for their perspective. It can be tempting to ask for them to intervene and they may even want to intervene, but consider holding off for now. You want them to give you a reasonable idea of what the middle ground may be, especially if it means helping distance yourself from the matter. However, keep in mind that the third party may be biased for other reasons as well. You might have consciously or subconsciously picked someone that would naturally side with you, either because of their personal beliefs or their relationship with you. Such biases don't make their perspective useless, but it is something to always remember.

Entertain the Notion of Compromise

Once you have taken a step back and considered the conflict objectively, you should prepare yourself for compromise. Before you dwell on the specifics of what a compromise would entail, you should contemplate whether any level of compromise would be acceptable for you.

If you want absolute capitulation and nothing less, then the odds of reaching an agreement are fairly low. If you would be willing to give up a lot, then you should think about just how important the argument really is. If you're willing to give up almost everything at stake, is the argument worth the stress and effort?

If you are willing to compromise and have both things that you are willing to concede and things that you are unwilling to budge on, then you should consider exactly how far you are willing to shift on each specific issue. Instead of trying to force a victory on every single one, give some leeway on the more flexible matters and use that as leverage to get your way on the more rigid ones. It can be easy to get caught up in the moment and treat everything as equally inflexible and necessary, but that is rarely the case. More often than not, strategic losses can ensure that you hit your most important goals.

List Your Hopes

Before the confrontation begins, you want to make sure that you have correctly identified what you hope to accomplish. You also need to make sure that you have divided this list up into reasonable expectations and long shots. Reasonable expectations don't necessarily mean compromises that an objective third party would call reasonable, but rather what you have a decent chance of getting. Likewise, long shots don't necessarily need to be impossible and unreasonable things, they should just be specifics that you don't see as being very probable with the information you currently have.

To look at it another way, it's critical to recognize the possibility of compromise in terms of specifics. You should figure out not only what you're willing to give up and what you hope to gain, but also how reasonable each of those things is from the opposing perspective. Itemizing such a list can help you reframe the central conflict and identify an ideal solution.

Preparation Alone Isn't Enough

It's important to always remember that getting into the right mentality isn't enough to resolve your conflict on its own. Without tact and strong supporting arguments, you may come across as patronizing, leading to a situation where the other party is even more frustrated and you still don't have what you want.

Once you have found a suitable mindset, you'll want to carefully construct your arguments, consider the desires and fears of the other party, and arrange for the actual confrontation to be as conciliatory as possible.

Jocelyn Aleiadih, LCSW

www.yourlifepathcenter.com